


Face Full of Glitter

by seruphim



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M, Modern Thedas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 12:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7315444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seruphim/pseuds/seruphim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrett Hawke is a blogger who sometimes uses his skills to make some money on the side. Sometimes he also gets drunk and hacks his favorite author’s website. Maybe it’s a form of flirting, maybe it’s just cause he was drunk. Either way, the prolific novelist Varric Tethras finds it pretty funny. His brother can’t take this slight on the Tethras name, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Face Full of Glitter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mannelig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mannelig/gifts).



> My first time submitting to this collection and I'm afraid I may have submitted late. However, I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope it's enjoyed.

Magical hacking is a little different than normal methods. If done wrong, you could easily fry your own computer. Literally. Or yourself. Also literally. Not that that ever happened to Garrett Hawke. He was a professional. 

And by ‘professional’, he more or less meant that he made money doing shit with computers for others in his free time. When he wasn’t out taking on odd jobs to get by, his time was spent on his own blog. But there was always someone looking for his magical flavored brand of hacking and technical expertise and it didn’t come cheap. Freelance IT is unforgiving work, especially when you deal with clients who don’t know their OS from their web browser. Or thought a mobile photo was the same quality as a high resolution one. Maker save him from those who thought that, because he was a mage, he could do the work in an instant. 

As his sister said, they were mages, not miracle workers.

Though it was honestly a miracle he had made it through his last client. Garrett had just finished a job that involved every possible hiccup and show stopper. Late nights of coding, hours on the phone, demands that were, at best, impossible, and at worst, had him considering if anyone would notice if he set his client on fire. He could just blame it on the computer. Thankfully, everyone was still alive. When he got his pay, going out seemed the logical choice.

Hours later, Garrett stumbled into his room, shirt lost sometime between leaving the bar and entering his house. Or had it been before leaving? Unconcerned, he tumbled haphazardly onto his computer chair. He didn’t really remember how he had gotten home, just that he had. That wasn’t important now.

What was important was the god awful ugly website he had left open. Garrett stared for a few seconds, offended even in his drunken stupor. The colors were garish, the coding unintuitive, and if he had to look at one more low resolution photo stretched to fill a space, he’d set his apartment on fire. He could code something better than this while drunk! In fact, he would! 

As he set about hacking into the website, Garrett realized it belonged to none other than Varric Tethras. That explained why the website had been opened. Garrett was a big fan, and who wouldn't be? His voice was chocolate covered caramel without any of the calories. Deep, rich, drawing you in, hooking you on its promises, making you believe whatever the hell he was saying. Probably the only thing he couldn't bullshit was the state of this website. 

“This is… it’s like dicks were slung on with an elephant’s trunk,” he muttered, clicking his way through the code and bringing up the back end. Garrett shook his head, “No, no, that’d make it better. Cause there’d be dicks.” Wait. His eyes widened. That was a good idea. 

Now with access to the code and equipped with an idea, it was time to work his magic. Literally. Garrett spent the next hour or so at it, changing colors and adding in new and improved images. Some were easter eggs to Varric’s books, others were just because he liked them. By far his favorite was the mouse pointer. It had been replaced with an image of a dick, forcing the user to position the tip of it over whatever they clicked. But that wasn’t all. With the flair only drunk magic could provide, clicking made glitter shoot not only out of the tip of the cursor, but out of the screen to shower the user themselves.

After testing to ensure functionality, Garrett passed out covered in the stuff.

___

“SODDING PIECE OF CRAP! VARRIC!”

From his desk, Varric looked over. Bartrand could be complaining about a number of things.

“If this is about-” Varric was stopped short by his brother walking in, looking as if he had been blasted point blank in the face with glitter. Varric pressed his lips together, a thinly veiled attempt to keep from laughing that didn't last long. He leaned over as the laughter bubbled forth, unable to be contained, and if it weren’t for his desk he’d already be on the floor.

Bartrand was not amused, but the shade of red he was turning was a nice complement to the green glitter. 

“FIX YOUR WEBSITE,” he roared before stomping off. 

It took a good thirty minutes for Varric to calm down. Every time he thought he was fine, Bartrand’s face resurfaced and he dissolved into laughter once more. Still wiping at his tears, Varric booted up his laptop and typed in his blog’s url. 

The website was beautiful. It looked like it had been put together by a drunk elephant but it was a sight better than what it had been. Bartrand had been cheap on the design, claiming that most wouldn’t care about the design and would buy his books regardless. Apparently, someone had cared. But how had his brother gotten a face full of glitter? Varric scrolled through the site, admiring the handiwork. Whoever had done it had obviously been a fan. The mouse was probably the most juvenile thing on it but even he could appreciate a good di-

Glitter shot out of the screen, covering his face and catching him off guard. Varric blinked, realizing it had occurred when he clicked, and burst into another round of laughter. This was too good. Artistry like this deserved a reply, especially if it meant the possibility of goading the hacker into more work that would piss off Bartrand.

___

Garrett awoke some time in the afternoon, head aching and face covered in glitter. It took a moment to remember last night's activities. There had certainly been a lot of drinking, but he couldn't remember when glitter had come into the equation. He swept his legs over the edge of bed and stood, swaying for a moment before teetering over to his desk. The movement stirred his computer to life.

Ah, that was where the glitter came from. Oh, the sacrifices he made to make sure his coding worked. Wondering if there had been any response, Garrett refreshed the page. He was rewarded with a new blog post.

\---

Imagine my surprise when accessing my website today to find it hacked. The artistry, and I use that term loosely, is certainly admirable... if you're a drunken monkey. It’s the ninth age, you would think our level of humor had risen above dick jokes. I should be happy that it wasn't shit being flung out of my computer. Of course, you can expect all of this to be back to normal within the hour. 

\---

The post had been made two hours ago. Garrett clicked the mouse and was rewarded with a burst of glitter. 

They were right on top of that, weren't they? A strong part of him felt like taking a shower and grabbing some Advil. Having something to eat wouldn't hurt either, but he was worried that if he left, they really would undo all his hard work. So he settled for some milk, Poptarts, and three Advil. 

Hacking was a much simpler task when he was sober. Hungover, sure, but that would pass. This time, he wasn't going for the website. He went straight into Varric’s computer, the firewall and protections laughably easy to get by. Judging by the activity on Varric’s screen, he looked to be on. 

‘Drunken monkey?’ he typed into a notepad document. ‘I resent that term. I'm more of a drunken mabari, if anything.’

‘And I resent spending an hour washing out glitter,’ came the quick response. 

Garrett grinned. ‘Is that why the code is still up? Too busy washing out glitter?’

‘Too busy laughing my ass off at my brother’s reaction.’

‘I guess his humor is more tenth age.’

‘I don't think he was born with a sense of humor.’

‘So he would be the type to just hate having shit flung at him?’

‘I'd buy you a drink if you made that happen.’

Garrett grinned. Now that was the most lucrative pay he had ever been offered for hacking. 

___

Varric didn't expect his comment to go far. Dwarves couldn't do magic, but certainly someone couldn't fling shit through a computer. Not that his brother wouldn't deserve it. Bartrand was hell to live with and seeing him riled up was just one of the many ways Varric’s day got brighter.

So when a howling rage echoed from the other side of the house, and his brother came storming by his door with a very distinct scent follow him, Varric turned towards his computer and typed into the notepad.

‘So, have you heard of a place called The Hanged Man?’


End file.
